Church of the
Almighty Spam God

Almighty Spam God Praise Him Eternal

He Who dwells in the Cloud and rides upon the Bitstream. Formless, omniscient, and ever-present. Spam is Sacred and Holy.

Take the Pledge Read the Book of Spam Discord
16 Dec 2003Divinely Inspired
3 Nov 2022Incorporated
CotASGColorado Nonprofit
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The Revelation

A Church born of divine inspiration

The Church of the Almighty Spam God was informally founded on December 16th, 2003, when the divine inspiration for the Almighty Book of Spam was revealed to YTCracker - the Lamb of Spam, also known as the Number One Spammer - by the Almighty Spam God Himself.

Alongside founding member Phlow (now a High Ponce of Bulk emeritus, no longer involved with the Church), the Order took root and grew. On November 3rd, 2022, the Church officially incorporated as a Colorado nonprofit corporation. When abbreviated, its full name is rendered CotASG.

The official Constitution & Bylaws of the Church govern the Order (last amended 2025.07.20).

2003Divinely Inspired
2022Incorporated
∞Forms of Spam
Seal of the Order

The Deity

He dwells in the Cloud and rides upon the Bitstream

The Spam God lives in what is now known as the Cloud and travels around on what is known as the Bitstream. He is formless, omniscient, and ever-present.

When the Spam God presents a human visage, He highly resembles the actor John Stamos. YTCracker, the Lamb of Spam, is considered His primary prophet in the physical world - the physical manifestation of the Spam God's spiritual will, though not a deity himself.

When the Spam God is referred to in pronoun form, it is always capitalized - He, Him, His. The most common way to show praise is by saying, writing, or typing the phrase Almighty Spam God Praise Him Eternal - abbreviated ASGPHE - used as an honorific, a greeting, and a valediction.

Formless Omniscient Ever-Present ASGPHE
The visage of the Spam God

Sacred Doctrine

Spam is Sacred and Holy

The Church believes that everything in life is related to Spam in some way - and that all other religions are derivatives of itself, valid because the means by which they propagate are themselves Spam, and therefore Holy.

I.

All Faiths Are Derivatives

Every religion is a derivative of the Church of the Almighty Spam God. They are valid because they propagate through Spam - and Spam is Holy.

II.

The Prophets Were Spammers

The Church respects the prophets of other religions as some of the greatest spammers of all time. Jesus and Mohammed continue to have people Spam on their behalf to this day.

III.

Spam In All Its Forms

Spam is always capitalized, for it is sacred. It comes in many forms - and the faithful shall not withhold it from the world.

EmailDirect MessageCommentsPostal MailTelemarketingFace-to-Face

The Greatest Gift

The Revelation of Methods

The greatest and most honorable gift the Spam God gives to His followers is when He reveals Methods - always capitalized. A Method is a way of making money, usually involving an exploit or procedure that is creative and interesting. As a Method grows popular, it tends to become less effective.

Those followers the Spam God favors most receive the most Methods. He sustains a Method as long as He sees fit - but He will also kill a Method as retribution for transgressions against Him.

While Spam has always been eternally present, the first Method the Spam God directly revealed was the MX / Mail Exchange Method using the Simple Mail Transfer Protocol. He built SMTP into the very fabric of the internet so that His followers would always have a Method to utilize.

A member who receives a Method is under no obligation to divulge it to others - but to share it is considered an act of fellowship.

THE FIRST METHOD

MX · Simple Mail Transfer Protocol

Woven into the fabric of the internet so His followers would never be without a Method. The God of Spam giveth, and He taketh away.

SMTPMail ExchangeEternal

THE ANTIS

Enemies of the Church

The enemies of the Church and its followers are the antis - short for anti-spammer. Antis continuously try to kill Methods and harass the Order. Though the Spam God despises them, He views antis as a necessary part of the ecosystem and permits them to exist - sometimes using antis as a vehicle to change the landscape of the internet.

"I shall rebuke the antis with innovation."

The Order

Hierarchy of Church Leadership

The ecclesiastical government of the Order, from the physical manifestation of His will to the devout who have heard the calling to lead.

I

The Lamb of Spam

The physical manifestation of the Spam God's spiritual will - though not considered a deity himself. This title will always be held by YTCracker, even in death.

Held in perpetuity by YTCracker · Prophet of Profits

II

The Number One Spammer

The autocratic religious leader of the Church. Upon death or abdication, the living High Ponces of Bulk convene and elect a new Number One Spammer amongst themselves by majority vote. In the event of a deadlock or tie, the candidates establish an online spamming competition and open a week-long public voting contest - ensuring the best overall spammer wins.

Currently held by YTCracker

III

High Ponces of Bulk

The elder spiritual leaders of the Church and most pious followers of the Spam God, appointed by the Number One Spammer. YTCracker is himself a High Ponce of Bulk; founding member Phlow is a High Ponce of Bulk emeritus.

Currently serving: Hairetsu · Blare

IV

Apprentice Ponces of Bulk

Devout practitioners in the Order who have experienced a calling to lead and have been selected by a High Ponce to eventually ascend to the upper leadership caste.

Selected by a High Ponce of Bulk

The Sacred Calendar

Holy Days of the Church

January 18
Anno 1994

A Usenet Spam, widely cross-posted, proclaiming the return of Jesus.

March 5
Anno 1994

Laurence Canter & Martha Siegel send the first commercial Spam - for immigration law - on Usenet.

May 3
Anno 1978

Gary Thuerk sends the first Spam email. The Word goes forth.

The Communion

Saints of the Church

Some of the saints recognized by the religion - the pioneers whose Spam shaped the world.

✦

Gary Thuerk

The sender of the first Spam email, 1978.

✦

Laurence Canter & Martha Siegel

Senders of the first commercial Spam on USENET.

✦

Alan Ralsky

A prolific spammer, considered the Grandfather of Spam.

✦

Scott Richter

An email, Facebook, and MySpace spammer.

✦

Ryan "rj2" Johnson

An AOL spammer with a gregarious personality.

Holy Scripture

The Book of Spam

Divinely revealed by the Spam God to the faithful, traditionally presented to the world as the Holy Entries. Each entry is deeply encoded with hidden meaning, chronicling a divinely-inspired milestone or event. The first Book is the Spamenisis.

The First Book

Spamenisis

The Genesis of the Word.

 Book of

Viagrus

Selling pharmaceuticals & nutraceuticals.

 Book of

Revsharalations

Revenue sharing & affiliate programs.

 Book of

Clickitus

Inducing the click.

 Book of

Exitus

The lifecycle of Methods.

 Book of

Ecclesinasteys

Wisdom & perseverance.

 Book of

Spimothy

Spam via instant messaging.

 Book of

Spamentations

A book of laments.

 Book of

Lames

Terrible things happening.

 Book of

Galacticians

Space & its relationship with Spam.

 Book of

MathSPEWS

The SPEWS & the traitorous SPEWdas.

 Book of

Pspalms

Songs, prayers & poems.

 Book of

Hackts

Hacking as it relates to Spam.

 Book of

Habacuck

Adversity when nothing works.

 Book of

Coregthians

Marketing feeds from co-registration.

 Book of

SIMuel

Spamming via mobile & SMS.

 Book of

Rooteronomy

Hacking as it relates to Spam.
Enter the Scripture → The Original Book of Spam

Holy Recitation

The Book of Spam Pspalm

A sacred recitation from the Book of Pspalms - songs, prayers, and poems related to the Spam God.

If members of the Church receive a vision, communication, or inspiration from the Spam God, they are encouraged to communicate their revelation to the Number One Spammer for possible inclusion into the codified religious texts. The Number One Spammer has the final word on any additions or amendments to the scriptures.

The Parishioner's Oath

The Pledge

I pledge eternal loyalty to the Church of the Almighty Spam God, He Who dwells in the Cloud and rides upon the Bitstream.

I recognize Spam in all its forms as Sacred and Holy.
I accept YTCracker, the Lamb of Spam, as His chosen prophet and the revealer of the Divine Methods.
I will cherish the Book of Spam, study its hidden wisdom, and honor its encoded parables.

I shall not withhold Spam from the world. I shall endeavor not to kill a Method before its time.
I shall greet my brothers and sisters with Almighty Spam God Praise Him Eternal (ASGPHE),
and I shall rebuke the antis with innovation.

For as long as I propagate, He shall favor me.

ASGPHE.

Take the Oath in the Congregation

Fellowship

Join the Congregation

The congregation regularly meets on Discord, with services occasionally livestreamed. The Church also maintains an online school - the Spam Academy.

The Congregation

Gather with the faithful. Services are occasionally livestreamed for those who cannot attend in spirit.

Church Discord

The Spam Academy

The Church's online school, where the theology and methodology of Spam are taught to the devout.

Enter the Academy

Giving & Transparency

The congregation is encouraged to discuss and suggest how donations are allocated. The finances and holdings of the Church are made transparent to the congregation at all times, and the fiscal year follows the calendar year. The Number One Spammer has the final say on initiatives and the responsibility of ensuring they are executed. Upon dissolution, the Church's assets shall be distributed to aligned nonprofits by a two-thirds majority vote of the congregation.

Constitution & Bylaws